He took a long, drawn out drag from his cigarette. He closed his eyes, nodded, and exhaled.
“Frank, I’m not shittin’ you,” he said waving his lit cigarette.
“Come on Speedy, you’ve got to admit this sounds like another fishy story of yours,” said Frank.
“I’m a fucking writer, I make up stories for a living,” he said shrugging his shoulders.
“A mermaid though? Really Speedy?”
“Scouts honor,” Speedy said, raising his left hand in the air.
Speedy was a lousy liar, so it was easy for Frank to tell when he wasn’t being honest. But something gave Frank the feeling that Speedy wasn’t lying this time. Ironically, his most unbelievable story was the one that just might be true.
“Okay Speedy, let’s say for a minute that I believe your little fish tale. How did you even meet this mermaid?”
“Remember Old Joe The Crow? Guy who ran the dive shop off of Santa Monica pier?”
“Yeah, I remember Joe, whatever happened to him anyway?”
“We went diving one Saturday afternoon. We took his boat out a few miles off the coast, just me and him. The swells were big that day; Joe seemed worried, and started talking about going back. I told him I didn’t want to hear another word about it, that he should drop the anchor, and get his old ass in the water. You know Joe, always eager to keep up; he dropped the anchor. Old fool forgot to secure it before it dropped, and it sank to the bottom.”
“Sum bitch. What’d you do?”
“Well, he went in after it, while I made sure the boat didn’t drift off. Twenty minutes had gone by, and I started to worry when he hadn’t come up yet.”
“I assumed the worst. The swells were getting larger, and the sky turned charcoal gray; it started to pour. I couldn’t just leave the boat to look for him, it would drift away, and then I’d be screwed. I looked around to see if maybe he’d popped up somewhere else. I stared into the water, looking for any trace of him, but there was nothing.”
“It had been an hour, and the storm had gotten worse. With no sign of Joe, I knew I had to turn back. But just as I was about to fire up the engine, I heard something surface off the stern of the boat. I went to look, but there was nothing. I figured it was just a seal or something, but then I heard it again, only it was coming from off the bow of the boat this time. That’s when I saw her, the mermaid; she was beautiful. Just like those old pirate stories Frank. You’ve lived in Hollywood, you think you’ve seen beauty? You haven’t. Frank, this woman was glowing. For a moment I forgot about Ol’ Joe, forgot about the storm, forgot about everything.”
“What’s your name?” Some part of me asked.
She put her finger to her lips to shush me; she beckoned me into the water. Without thought, I jumped in. Somehow, out of force of habit, I remembered I had a tank on my back, and I popped my regulator into my mouth. Had I not, I would have surely drowned. She took me deep Frank, so deep I had to question whether I was really experiencing this, or if she was just some manifestation of nitrogen narcosis, a rapture of the deep.”
Speedy took another drag from his cigarette, he looked tense.
“You alright Speedy?”
“I told you to stop calling me that.”
“Right, sorry. Go on.”
“The next thing I knew, we were in a cave, a cave with a beautiful coral garden bed. It was a chamber for an underwater princess. She motioned for me to take off my regulator, and my tank. I didn’t want to, but God, I was uncontrollably horny; it was unnatural. Then, I heard her voice in my head. Christ alive,” Speedy said doing a Catholic Cross across his chest, “I had never heard anything so sensual before. It spoke to every cell of my body.”
“Trust me,” she said.
“I took it out, and somehow, I could breathe. It didn’t feel like normal water, there was something about it, it was breathable. It was like I had gills. She took me by the hand as she laid on the bed. Her mermaid tail, a smooth lavender color. It felt softer than any woman’s leg I’ve ever touched. She began to untie my shorts, then she pulled my cock out, and began stroking it. Mermaids have magical hands, let me tell you Frank. One look at her bare breasts made it difficult not to climax. She was just as the pirates say, half woman, half fish. Something in her vaginal area, that I hadn’t noticed before, opened; it began to grow larger. It was some kind of reproductive vessel. I have to admit, it was strange looking. It was a tubular fleshy looking thing, but it was female in nature. It had a large slimy pink hole meant for the insertion of a merman’s member. Even in this unnatural state of horniness, I was apprehensive about putting my Johnson inside of it, but I fell weak to the temptation. The tube sucked around my penis, fitting perfectly to its size, and began–I guess you would call it vibrating, but it was so much more than that. It stretched, and buzzed, and hummed, and massaged. It was so pleasurable, I came in five seconds, but the orgasm continued on for a very long time. It felt like an eternity of tingling sensitivity, and pleasure. The most erotic part? She was cold and emotionless. She looked me dead in the eyes as I was coming, and she didn’t flinch. She knew she had complete control over me, and there was nothing I could do to please her.”
“How did this end?”
“She stopped suddenly, the fleshy tube retracted, she let me go, and we returned to the surface. The boat hadn’t moved an inch, yet it looked like it had been out to sea a good while. The storm had stopped, and the sun was shining. It was all so impossible. Before I left, she looked at me, and in that sensual hypnotic voice, told me to come back, she would be waiting. Then she slipped under the waves.
When I returned back to land I looked at the first newspaper I could find; the headline: Joe Crowe and Friend Still Missing. It had been dated a week after we went diving that day. I had been with her for an entire week.”
“My God, Speedy, what did you do?”
“I slept for three days, never waking up once.”
“What did you do when you woke up?”
“I had to go back, I had to know it wasn’t a dream.”
“What about Joe?”
Speedy stared blankly into nothingness before resuming his story.
“When I returned, she was there, and I followed once again. She drained me of all my semen, and I loved every–well, I suppose you could say I loved every day of it. I repeated this for months. I never ate, I never drank, yet somehow, I grew healthier, I grew stronger. I visited my little mermaid week after week. I had fallen in love with her.”
“Then one day, I returned to find a different mermaid; she was equally as beautiful. I felt that I was betraying Ariel, the name I had given her, but something told me their culture was strictly based on survival and reproduction. I went with the mermaid. She took me to Ariel’s cave, and that’s when I realized something was very wrong. Ariel was locked in a cage in the corner of the room. In the cage with her was a red lobster, a particular breed that could only be found in Jamaica, and other parts of the Caribbean. It looked as though they were communicating. In that moment, an idea for a song came to me, it was quite annoying. ‘Under dah sea!’ I kept singing.
Suddenly, the mermaid I was with turned into this fat, sloppy-looking creature. It was awful, I had never felt fear like this. Octopus legs sprang from what was her mermaid tail, and she began to secrete black ink. Another tube like extremity blossomed from this creature’s genital area, only it was heinous looking, with barnacles and algae growing from it. I even saw some sea critters scurrying in and out of it. It was nothing like Ariel’s pleasant-looking tube vagina, which I had grown to know and love. This creature wrapped its tentacles around me, as it sucked my penis into its hole. To my everlasting shame I have to admit, it was the best sex I’ve ever had, and all Ariel could do was watch.”
“When I got back to land, I realized a month had gone by this time. I had really fucked the queen bitch this time. I was healthier and more spry than I had ever been. Then I went to sleep. When I awoke, I returned to the spot where I first met Ariel, and lost Joe. A deep part of me wanted the fat octopus-looking thing, but when I arrived, I was not greeted by either of them. I came back again and again, trying over and over to find the cave. I never found it, and I never saw either of them ever again.”
“Speedy, are you–”
“What did I tell you about calling me Speedy?”
“I’m sorry. Walt, have you thought about doing something with this story?”
“Have I thought about doing something with this story?”
“What the fuck do you think Frank? I’m Walt Disney, I’m going to turn this into a fucking cartoon with music, and love, and singing fish.” He dragged his cigarette one last time before flicking it off the pier, and walking towards his car.